Assembled by Catholic Church Reform International (CCRI) for the 2023 Synod Bishops https://catholicchurchreformintl.org

October 2021 – May 2022

 

Introduction

On October 10, 2021 Pope Francis officially launched the Vatican's two-year synod process in an opening Mass where he urged the global Catholic Church to master the "art of encounter."

"Everything changes once we are capable of genuine encounters with [Jesus] and with one another, without formalism or pretense, but simply as we are," said Francis in a homily in St. Peter's Basilica.

The "art of encounter," said Francis, is marked by listening and seeking to understand the other.

This is a "time to look others in the eye and listen to what they have to say, to build rapport, to be sensitive to the questions of our sisters and brothers," Francis said.

In this spirit, Catholic Church Reform International (CCRI) invited members from its local Eucharistic communities to gather together to talk about the “good, the bad, and the ugly” in the Catholic Church and offer suggestions for how to "Keep us from becoming a 'museum church,' beautiful but mute, with much past and little future." — Pope Francis

It is towards this end that we offer the stories contained herein. We hope that you will, like Jesus, “listen not just with the ears, but with the heart. When we follow Jesus in listening with the heart, people feel they are being heard, not judged; they feel free to recount their own experiences and their spiritual journey.” – Pope Francis

“Let us not soundproof our hearts; let us not remain barricaded in our certainties,” he pleaded. Instead, “Let us listen to one another.”

May your journey be enhanced, and your heart be moved, by these stories.

 

Excommunicated? Really?

by Barbara Riviello Guerin, D.Min.

I was born into and raised by a Catholic family. I went to Catholic grammar school, high school, college, and graduate school. I received my sacraments, memorized the Baltimore Catechism, and participated in church activities, like the Catholic youth group in my parish, the Rosary Society when I got older, and served as a lector, Eucharistic minister for the homebound, and was President of my parishes’ women’s groups. But my Catholicity changed over the years as I matured, bringing me to where I am today as a “Catholic with a cause.” That cause is to reform the Catholic Church.

I bought into the Church and its teachings hook, line, and sinker until sometime in my early childhood when I was told that my Jewish grandmother was going to hell. Grandma Yetta going to hell? How could that be? Grandma Yetta was a good person! No matter how little she had, she always had ice cream and candy for us when we visited her. And yet she was going to hell because she was Jewish?

Fast forward to when I was 22 years of age. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 20 years old. A few months before the wedding I realized that I didn’t want to get married but when I discussed it with my mom, she said that everyone is nervous about getting married and that she and my dad had already placed a $500 deposit on the catering hall that they would lose if I didn’t go through with it. So I went through with it. Less than two years later, we both realized it was a mistake and we decided to get a divorce. I talked to my local parish priest who told me that, as a Catholic, I was bound to the marriage till death do us part, and that divorce was a sin. I left my husband after having been backhanded across the face. When I told the priest in whom I had been confiding that I was leaving because one slap was one slap too many, he responded by telling me that I would be excommunicated if I left my marriage. (I later learned he was wrong about that!) I left anyway, devastated that the church I grew up in would toss me out just like that! And this coming from a celibate man! What did he know about being married!?

Sometime thereafter, I was informed by the local tribunal that my ex-husband was seeking an annulment because he wanted to remarry a Catholic woman. I thought, why not, I’ll do this…that is, until I saw the $650 price tag, which I could not afford. So excommunicated I remained for the next 14 years.

During this time, I joined a Missouri Synod Lutheran Church, where I was warmly welcomed and loved despite my sin of divorce. It was in the Lutheran Church where I developed a love of Scripture and witnessed first-hand a collaborative partnership between the congregation and the church. I remember how shocked, and pleasantly surprised, I was when we got to select our new pastor, rather than having one assigned to us!

Despite the love I had for the Lutheran Church, and my fellow congregants in particular, I started having pangs of homesickness for the Catholic Church. I scheduled a meeting

with the local pastor, the beloved and admired Fr. John, and told him my story. He suggested that I obtain a copy of my baptismal certificate because it was possible that my first marriage could have been annulled. Lo & behold it was. So back I went to the Catholic church, armed with scripture and the holy Spirit.

My fervor increased and I felt called to pursue a Master’s degree in Religious Studies, which I received from Mt. St. Mary’s University in Los Angeles in 2011, followed by a Doctorate in Ministry from the Graduate Theological Foundation in 2016. Education surely is a dangerous thing because now my mind and soul could no longer ignore the misogyny and abuse of power in the Church. Like the reformists of old, I became actively involved with groups such as FutureChurch, Women’s Ordination Conference, Call to Action, and Catholic Church Reform International.

I have fought the good fight, but I no longer care what happens to the Catholic Church. Like the dinosaurs, the Church may be left behind in the ever-evolving history of the world. I am OK with that. While “man-made” institutions may pass away, God never will. I have found a new meaning of “church” and I am home with God no matter where I am…in nature, in my living room, among friends, or in a church building. As the song lyric goes, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

 

Healing Dreams

by Paulette Meeks

When my precious husband went to Heaven, God put a new call on my heart. He blessed me to begin a ministry in the church, called Serenity Seniors Ministry. Many elderly women from many different Christian churches made up this ministry.

We visited and brought God's Love to so many needy and forgotten elderly in four different nursing homes and showed a movie once a month in the Catholic Church hall for the elderly and adults with special needs. We would bring baked cookies, popcorn, candy, water, and other snacks for the movie goers to enjoy. All was free. Every movie was beautiful and had such awesome messages in them for these elderly attendees.

One day the treasurer of the Parish came and pulled me out of our little prayer group before the movie and informed me she didn't like me and she didn't want me or my group in her church. I didn't concern myself much about this though it did frighten me. This happened in January, I don't remember the year but two or three years before the Pandemic. She did get us out by March of that year.

After that warning from the treasurer, we continued visiting the nursing homes, being a blessing and being blessed. In these visits, God's love shone and touched all hearts. In these visits though members were from many churches, we went as a Ministry of the Catholic Church. Though the visits continued freely, we started having problems on movie days. The doors were locked, we had to set up the tables and chairs, Before the treasurer had "warned" me church workers, men, would set up for us. We, the ministry members were all 70 years old and older and couldn't do this easily by ourselves. We kept on and worked together doing the best we could.

One day when another member and I arrived we saw that someone had fooled around with movie screen and projector. We decided to just go to the office and ask someone there to come help. Even the office couldn't help. They could not get the projector to work. The movie kept coming out upside down. Later the treasurer came in, yelled at everyone There were about 60 elderly present. She even said she never wanted to see us in her church again. We caused too much trouble and many other ugly uncalled for accusations. So many people were hurt that morning. Some never came back to the movies or to the Catholic Church. One lady who was very sick quit going to church all together.

I asked Father to please come help us that morning after her tirade. I thought he would let the group know they had done nothing wrong and they were always welcomed. He said nothing. He just went over to where the projector was. He did something with a small computer and we got to watch Mother Teresa's movie The Letters. I went to see him. I was so sad. I was even crying and I begged him to come tell the people they're always invited here. He would not. He told me that his treasurer was in charge and what she said he would not contradict. He also told me he didn't want Serenity Seniors to represent his Church in the nursing homes anymore.

This priest is a missionary from Nigeria. My response to him was one of hurt and anger. After telling me he'd call and be sure we still had permission to visit those homes, I told him I was visiting nursing homes before he was born and the ones the Ministry was visiting now, we did so while he was still in Nigeria and we didn't need his permission or his call to continue our ministry.

When I was a child, my Mom who was not a Catholic, taught me all those little questions and answers from the Baltimore Catechism I received before I entered first grade in St. Agnes Catholic School. When that priest told me these words, "I don't want your group to represent this church anymore" I realized that this church was only a building and did not represent God anymore. There is a question that I still remember so well: This question and its answer is the WHY that I left the Catholic Church.

Question: "Why did God make you?"

Answer: "God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world and to be happy with Him forever in Heaven." I realized that this Catholic Church helped me to know Him and to love Him but it now decided my group and I were not good enough to serve Him as He called us. We needed to go and really represent Jesus, not a building or a business.

The Catholic Church lost a blessing and hurt many elderly. We continued our ministry in the Name of Jesus and in the way He called us to serve Him. We just threw in the trash the name cards we had printed saying we were from this Catholic Church.

This Catholic Church is more a business than a church. It also has a "class" system. Some members are more important, and some don't matter. This is reflected in the words and actions of some of the priests, some of the parishioners, and some of the paid workers.

The little church, my church family now, is poor financially, but oh so rich in teaching and encouraging through God's Word a real and lasting relationship with Jesus. It doesn't water down the Truth and accepts everyone who wants a relationship with this awesome Savior. The elderly in Serenity Seniors Ministry, from many different churches, proudly represent this church as their host church. They are encouraged, appreciated, and prayed for as they continue to serve as they are called.

I hope the Catholic Church returns to the simple church I knew as a child. It also needs to realize it is only part of the Church of God. All Christians should be more appreciative and thankful for other Christians even if their church teaches a different religion. I know God doesn't care if we are Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, etc. He loves us always and cares if we love Him back. Our relationship with Him is far more important than any religion we claim. Some churches are too hung up on things other than His Word. There is really no need to write more Encyclicals, more Dogmas and give more opinions and interpretations. His Word is all we need.

 

A Child’s Deepest Fear

By Deanna Spatz

I grew up thinking my mom and dad were going to hell. My father was Catholic and my mom, who was not, had been divorced after a four-year marriage, no children. The Church’s issue evolved around one question: had she been baptized at the time of her marriage. She could not remember being baptized, and the church her mother took her to as a child had burned down, with all records lost. There existed no proof that she could show the Church that she had not been baptized. More than one priest ran her out of church when she sought help.

Mom and Dad dated 10 years before my dad finally decided to marry mom even though it meant he was no longer in communion with the Church. Dad raised their two children Catholic and took them to Mass every Sunday, even though he could not receive communion. We were educated in Catholic schools through high school. When I was young, old enough to realize the danger they were in, facing the fires of hell when they died, I twice mustered up the courage to knock on parish rectory doors pleading with the priests to meet with mom, hoping to find a way out. Mom would go to gratify my desperate need to search for a solution. No solution was possible. Finally, as I grew older, I realized that these two good people would not face the fires of hell. Despite what I’d been taught by the Church, on this, the Church was wrong.

 

Church Laws Have Created So Much Bickering in My Family

by Rene Reid, Director-Catholic Church Reform International

My story began when I entered religious life and discovered that my decision hurt my mother deeply. On digging deeper, I learned my mother was married by a justice of the peace at age 17. Her mother and the pastor instructed her to sacramentalize the marriage in the Church. She did so but three years later, the War ended, and my parents were divorced. The pastor promised to get my mother an annulment, but years went by without this happening. My mother felt that the Church had ruined her life and now was taking her only child away from her never again to come home or eat a meal together. Angry with the church, my mother was no longer speaking to me and felt free to go on with her life. At the age of 38, with no annulment having come through, she met a man, fell in love, and married. Now her mother, more Catholic than the Pope, stopped speaking to her because she was defying the rules of the Church. I realize that my passion for reform came because the Church caused so much divisiveness in my family. In the convent, I knew this Second Vatican Council was going on, but we were totally shut off from the world, from newspapers and television. I felt called to religious life but even more I felt called to be a part of this changing church. As a nun, I wasn’t allowed to study theology in the ‘60s. You had to be a priest or at least a man. So I left religious life, got my B.A. and M.A. in theology and went to work in Catholic parishes as a religious education director. I fell in love with James Kavanaugh who wrote the book in 1967 A Modern Priest Looks at his Outdated Church. Our bond was our mutual love for the Church and anger that she refused to change. I gave up hope ever seeing change in the Church until Pope Francis was elected in 2013. That year, Bob Kaiser and I began CCRI hoping to join with others in giving him the support to bring greatly needed change to the Church.

Clearly the church needs to reform its very structure. People need to have a voice in the governance of the Church beginning with selecting their own bishops. The divorced people should be given access to a marriage counselor and if the marriage cannot be saved, given a path back to the sacraments. Women should be welcomed in all facets of church ministry – including preaching, ordination, serving in key offices in the Church. The LGBT community should be welcomed and made to feel respected and included. Priesthood should be open to optional celibacy and both men and women welcomed to serve. The Eucharist should be open to all – not just to Catholics in a perfect state of grace. If the Church does not change as a result of this synodal process, once the elderly pass on to the next world, there will be little or nothing left of Christ’s Church on this earth. Church Reform is essential to its very survival.

 

From Doubt to Hope

by Kathleen Ellertson

I was born and raised a cradle Catholic by two Catholic parents. Our family was very religious; we had two nuns and a priest in our family. I took it very seriously. My dad taught catechism. But the teachings of the church didn’t seem to be practiced in our family or in society. It seemed like once people left church it was done for the week. I begin doubting at 16 and really thought about not going to church. When I moved out to go to college I didn’t go for a long time. I tried all other religions. I was always seeking.

In college I went to the Newman Center often because it was on campus. I still had a lot of guilt in those days. But I still wasn’t convinced that was what I wanted.

When I got married, I wanted the kids to have a base to start from and I missed the tradition of the Catholic Church and all of our sacraments. So, I raised them that way. My husband didn’t care so it was usually just me that took them. They were both baptized and confirmed. Today neither one of them go to church.

Until the pandemic I was really beginning to think it was pretty much of a farce but I liked seeing my friends. Now I am really glad to see Catholic Church reform being discussed.

 

Finding the Way

by Nick Smith

I am a cradle Catholic. My mother was a convert to the Church. We lived in a small Iowa town where all my relatives were from my mother’s side of the family and were Protestant in faith within several denominations. My Catholic side of the family, which we visited once each year, lived in Kansas. As a child, I was extremely upset by the Catholic view of salvation. We were taught that salvation was through the Catholic church only. Catholic equaled salvation. Protestant equaled damnation. The thought of all my relatives not receiving the salvation of Jesus Christ was extremely painful to me. I used to cry because I wanted my grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and all my cousins to be saved. The thought of heaven without them was unbearable.

My Grandfather died when I was about twelve years old. My mother and father went to the priest asking for permission to attend the funeral. The priest told them that we could attend the wake the night before the funeral, and we could go to the cemetery after the funeral service, but we could not attend the actual funeral service because it was held in a protestant church. Even though my mother cried and begged the priest to allow her to attend, he was firm that attending the funeral would be a grave and mortal sin. Since we were fierce Catholics, my family did not attend my grandfather’s funeral service because it was held in a protestant church. However, I went. I rode my bicycle to my grandparent’s church. I sat in the back, and in my mind, I railed against God for this injustice. This Catholic law was not right; it was not just.

My parents were angry with me and insisted that I go to confession the next Sunday and profess my sin. I confessed to the priest, and he granted me absolution, but I knew I was not really forgiven because I was not sorry for what I had done. I knew then that I was going to hell. At least, I thought, I’d be there with my grandfather. I vowed then to find the truth of God’s plan. I promised that I would discover “the way” of Jesus the Christ. I have been on that quest for the last sixty years.

 

Born Catholic

by Charles Gibson

Born Catholic: My father was Catholic, my mother a non-practicing Presbyterian. My father was a lawyer (as was my mother’s father and brother). I have two younger siblings—a brother, John (who also is a lawyer) and a sister, Catherine who was mentally challenged and died at the age of 73. My father was in politics as a “Blue Dog Democrat—serving in the Missouri state House and Senate (1940-1962), a federal district court judge, 1962-1966 and US Circuit Court of Appeals, 1967—2001. My mother was a stay-at-home mom, but also quite active in community affairs. It was my two paternal aunts and my paternal grandmother who catechized me.

My education was Independence, MO public schools for all but the 7th and 8th grade, during which I attended the local parochial school taught by the Sisters of Mercy. I also was a member of the parish Boy Scout troop. In high school I was involved in student politics, on student council and active in debate.

I attended the Univrsity of Missouri, Columbia, joining the Beta Theta Pi fraternity my freshman year and involved in student activities. I was blessed to be with a fantastic group of young men, most of them serious students and involved in student activities. There I met the person who as to become my closest friend, Vince Hovley—a football player and alumnus of St. Louis University High School, run by the Jesuits. I majored in Economics and in my senior year undergraduate I also attended the MO law school (attended by my father, my uncle, and later, my brother). I was also active, with Vince, in the Newman Club, which had an outstanding chaplain, Fr. Donald Kemper, who was also my spiritual advisor. Vince and I also were members of the Legion of Mary.

You might say I was a traditionally educated Catholic in the faith, believing and defending everything the institutional Church taught. I strictly followed all the regulations. Part of following regulations was fasting notwithstanding my 119 lb. skinny butt, sore from sitting on the hard wooden seats. I tried so hard to follow all the rules that I developed “scruples”, wondering whether I had committed a mortal sin by thinking something. Fortunately, Fr. Kemper helped me get through this terrible state.

While doing night guard duty as a member of ROTC I could prayerfully contemplate. I felt called to become a Jesuit. Upon return from Ft. Sill, I informed by family, my father especially being devastated. I agreed to do my senior year as a freshman in law school, and thereby graduate with a BA from Missouri. I was motivated to do well so that people did not think I joined the Jesuits because I could not handle law school. During my senior year, the then Jesuit Provincial, Fr. Joe Fisher, came to interview me. He told me, “I want you to continue in economics; I already have a lawyer.” So that directed me all for the rest of my life.

In late August, 1958, I entered the Jesuit novitiate of the Missouri Province, St. Stanislaus, in Florissant, MO. At this time the Jesuits were evolving from a conservative, traditional mindset to a more open, Scripture-based approach to spirituality and apostolate. Thus began my real conversion from a traditional to an ever-more progressive Catholic. I took vows in the summer of 1960.

I was selected to do special studies in economics, with a view to work at the Catholic University of Ecuador in Quito, to get a doctorate in economics. The Ecuadorian experience—about 15 months in that country over the 1966-1970 period--plus two times in Peru, was an expanding experience, both spiritually and emotionally. I got an up-close look at the damage caused by US policy—supporting large US agricultural companies—such as United Fruit—and extractive industries. Also, I saw the effect of colonization: Although British Honduras had the highest literacy rate except for Costa Rica, it was the least developed economically, the effect of the colonizer to bleed its colony of its natural resources on behalf of the mother country and to forbid industrial development.

I loved the work I was doing as a Jesuit—helping economically developing countries to develop, strongly advocating for social justice. But as time went on, I was experiencing the realization that I was not cut out for a life of celibacy, that more and more I experienced the desire for a wife and family. Early in my third year of theology at St. Louis University I was released from my vows. Also, I met the woman who was to become my wife. Bonnie had been in the Carmelites for two years. We married in October 1970. We had our first child, Lynn, in July of 1971 and our son, David, four years later.

During my twenty-year career at GM, I had my faith and spirituality expanded in several ways. I had an officemate named Jim. Jim was from Polish-American stock and had a Catholic education through high school. Jim was a “seeker” always asking questions, trying always to better understand. In his high school years, Jim got condemned and ostracized for questioning his faith. So upset was he that he left the Church. I saw up close and personal how destructive the triumphal “we are always right; we alone have the truth” about what institutional Catholicism is.

One of my best experiences at GM was seeing how positive “servant leadership” is when Toyota established a management process referred to the Toyota Production System (TPS). The TPS established that management’s primary purpose was to support the employees who add value to the product. It was an inverted pyramid. This type of management/governance was a good lesson regarding the current Catholic system of governance where only the ordained have the power of decision and control, where only “Father knows best” as far as Church governance is concerned.

Bonnie and I became involved in several spirit enhancing activities:

• We attended the first meeting of the Women’s Ordination
• We visited the Kresge House of Prayer, which was one of the original houses of prayer founded by Ann Chester, IHM, and Sr. Patricia Nagle, IHM where each retreatant had an opportunity to spend some time with Fr. Bernard Häring, CSSR, who was one of the world’s leading moral theologians at Vatican II.

• We attended the first (and last) official Church-sponsored reform meeting, referred to as “Call to Action
• We were part of a group that founded the Detroit chapter of the Association of the Rights of Catholics in the Church—ARCC—in the early 1980s. ARCC sponsored a half day presentation by Rev. Hans Küng on Church reform with about 5,000 participating.
• We became part of a small Eucharistic community, the Theilhard Chardin Community. A member of the hosting family would preside at each month’s
• While living in Arizona we came into contact with Mary Jayne Benton (“MJ”), member of the board of directors of national Call to Action. The local CTA sponsored a number of workshops on Church reform.
• I became involved with Robert (Bob) Blair Kaiser who established a Church reform and educational group called JAAZ—Jesuit Alumni in He was able to get prominent reformers to present, such as Hans Küng, Richard Rohr, Elizabeth Schüssler Fiorenza, Tom Fox. These were well-attended events, usually in the hundreds. They were not permitted to be held on Catholic Church related property because we were considered “dissidents.”
• In 1996 I began writing a book on the state of the Church, and how to rebuild I have tried, without success, to have parts of it published as articles.

What has been a personal boon has been being connected with Catholic Church Reform International (CCRI). A spiritual high point is joining with other deeply spiritual, highly educated in the Faith ten to twelve others in a weekly zoom liturgy, led by a retired priest with Bonnie providing the music.

The more I read and study, the less credible I find the institutional Church’s position on governance, women, sexual and reproductive morality and who can be ordained.

 

My Conversion: A Personal Journey of Faith

by Bonnie Gibson

My first acquaintance with the Catholic Church was in 1948 at the age of nine. I was in the 4th grade at a Catholic boarding school and attending a Sunday Mass for the first time. The ritual was a mystery; the opulent "chapel" with its statues and icons and the stained-glass windows and candles were a profound fascination and awe-inspiring. I stayed there at St. Mary's Academy for five years. The experience became foundational to my becoming a Catholic convert in 1959.

In 1961 I entered the Discalced Carmelites in Detroit, Michigan. I remember very clearly when I asked the postulant novice mistress, Mother Mary Carmel, "How do I pray?" She said, "The Spirit will teach you." In many ways that became my North Star that led me to go within and trust for inner guidance. I left Carmel after two years, but the positive, happy, affirming experience helped me heal and grow from child feelings of abandonment.

My Carmelite experience provided my spiritual grounding and has been the most comforting, inspiring. and influencing experience of my life. For me being Catholic is something in my bones. It is something I am at my core. I am so blessed to have had the Carmelite experience to guide me to a deeper level of faith and the living of my daily life.

I am now 83 and looking back at my Catholic church experience that has been very positive in so many ways. I was always involved with youth retreats, social justice, Call to Action and many active progressive Catholic groups.

I would say my greatest sadness today and for the last 15-20 years is the regressive, stilted, uninspiring Sunday liturgies that so often are said by so many foreign priests who have a poor grasp of our language, speaking it and our culture. Mass is a robotic exercise and not a joyful, communal celebration. The hierarchical church and its institution often are disappointing, uninspiring, irrelevant and often offensive to me because of the clericalism, and out of touch leaders, and the cardinals and bishops who choose to exercise inane, authoritarian pronouncements.

Today I say "yes." It is with joy and gratitude I still affirm being Catholic. I feel utterly blessed to have met and been exposed to many extraordinary spiritual "lights" and leaders from their books to lectures and to retreats, and really "regular folk" also so extraordinary. They have helped me to develop and enflesh the rich spiritual teachings of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is a vast vessel and container of holy people, saints, everyday people manifesting mercy and compassion and goodness to inspire all of us to keep growing and stretching and reaching higher outside of ourselves to indeed manifest Jesus' most ardent request to "love one another as I have loved you." And as Sister Germain Hobjan in her song says, "care for each other, bear one another's burdens, share one another's joy and bring each other home."

I conclude with my highest hope and passion that the Catholic Church will embrace a married priesthood and the ordination of women to expand and express the breadth and joy and backgrounds of so many more to our Church leadership and liturgy and Catholic community.