I am a divorced Catholic woman. I have not yet remarried, but neither have I attempted to gain an annulment. The idea of seeking an annulment to declare that no “valid” marriage ever took place causes me anger and frustration. This process suggests that some imperfection existed at the time of the marriage. Does the Church think anyone gets married who is without imperfection? Clearly the celibate male hierarchy has no real understanding of marriage and has idealized it beyond reality.
My husband and I married with full hearts and full commitment to each other. We brought the best that we had to the marriage. We raised our children and created a life together for 30 years. When I came to see that he suffered from multiple addictions, I tried to work with him for 4 years toward recovery. That failed. After nine months of daily prayer and meditation, I felt strongly guided by the Holy Spirit to leave him and create a healthy life for myself and for my children.
The process of annulment suggests failure because we had imperfections. My actual experience suggests that we are all imperfect and the marriage relationship is an opportunity for mutual growth beyond those imperfections. Sometimes growth happens; sometimes not. Rather than setting up judges to determine whether a couple is worthy of annulment, the Church would have served me better by supporting my prayerful discernment, honoring my individual conscience, and offering solace during the painful time of divorce.
I still have not sought an annulment, and I will not…even if I decide to remarry.{jcomments on}